Facebook!

So... I forgot to mention.. My facebook is officially GONE! It is deleted permanently. Not just deactivated. I tried to log on to it today to see if it was deleted yet and sure enough it was. I feel pretty free. Its nice. I don't have to worry about getting upset and "facebook messaging" anyone, or looking back at old messages or posts, or stalking people. haha. Its just better this way. It is sad that I have to go to these measures, but its necessary at this point in time. 

I am ready to find that one who will sweep me off my feet like Rene did after Jordan, and show me that there is someone who can treat me better than the last guy who tried and succeeded to win this heart of mine. By ready I don't really mean ready. But I miss the companionship. One day. The next man I give my heart to will be one who is worthy of it. 

Which reminds me of a good ol' song... When I fall in love- Nat King Cole (or the Boys II Men feat. Michael Buble, is really nice too)

When I fall in love
It will be forever
Or I'll never fall in love

In a restless world
Like this is
Love is ended before it's begun
And too many
Moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart
I give it completely
Or I'll never give my heart

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too
Is when I fall in love with you
 

Day 8-A song to match your mood

After much deliberation I found a song.. Carrie Underwood- Wheel of the World

Day 7 – Your dream wedding.

It may be a little late... better late than never.. but never late is better.. what what... get it Drake/Amanda... two in one... 

Perfect Wedding....

A fall wedding.. With the leaves changing colors and a nice cool day.. I go back and forth on wanting a church wedding or an outdoor wedding.. But I think outdoor. In like a large field... Either green.. brown.. or a burnt orange colors.. late afternoon.. with a little light left. I would like my groom to smile very big when he sees me and maybe a tear.. a tear never hurt a man. I want my close friends to be in it.. Its looking like a big wedding party.. Alaina, Michelle, Kirstin for sure.. and maybe a few more.But I just wanna be happy on my day. No doubts no fears. Just happiness in my heart and a smile on my face.

TURN OFF MIND! IT'S BED TIME

Why is it, that at near 2 am, my mind thinks it is an appropriate time to start thinking and going through possible scenarios that could possibly occur? It so ridiculous. It is even more ridiculous that I am letting him take up space in my mind. Going through things I will say to him when I see him in person.. come on Amanda! 1. He is not even worried about what he will say to you. 2. You probably will never see him. 3. GET OVER IT! ugh!!!! Its so revolting. It get's me the most because I am over here agonizing at 2 am, I can't sleep... and where is he right now? Probably sound asleep cuddling with her. The woman that was worth breaking my heart over. I really have to break free of this. It has gone way too far. My body is paying for this stress.... my face is breaking out.. I have been gaining weight... I can't run nearly as good as could before.. It sucks cause I used to use him as motivation to run. It was when I thought we were going to reconcile and everything would be great like before. I need ME to be my motivation. not him. but you Amanda! I need to start picturing my goals. My wants and dreams. When I can be enough, I think I will start getting myself back together. I need to remind myself that I AM good enough! That I am worth it to God. 


Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. Proverbs 4:23

Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.

Well... he is considered an animal right? I mean... If we are talking about "Jacob" hey its my blog, This is what I want. That's the only thing men are good for anyway.. haha.. just kidding.

So I ran today... not well but I ran. Tomorrow I am gonna hit the gym in the early morning and set off to apply at more jobs. I am so tired of applying but I have to keep at it. Eventually I will get something.

I still thought about my past today.. But after I ran and spent time with my familia I felt a lil better. Once I get myself together and back to the gym, he will be long gone and out of my thoughts. He doesn't deserve to take up any more room in my heart and mind. 

Biggest loser season premiere tonight... I love this show! It makes me cry whenever they cry. When the ex NFL player was crying, I cried my eyes out. Its funny to me that my dad was just doing leg lifts upstairs.. and I said what do you think you are fit frank... and where is he now? sitting next to me eating an ice cream sunday. Come on' dad! get out of town! haha... Must be nice! I wish I could. 

I don't have much to say tonight.. But I should be more upbeat manana. ohhhh on the biggest loser, Anna Kournikova had her hair in high ponytail fishtail braid... guess who is gonna start doing that??? ME!!!!! haha.

Goodnight

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.

8/29/2009

My handsome nephew Mark and Myself..

I seriously need to get back in shape.... I am sitting here with my computer in my lap and my rolls are everywhere... I need to get it under control. I wish I could find my motivation again. I am gaining and gaining. and I don't like it. boooo.

I took my test today for the post office.. It isn't being advertised anymore.. so maybe that is a good sign? I HOPE SO!!

I have been feeling a little down again the last few days.. I think it is a combo of not working out and talking about Rene(ex)to our mutual friend. He had seen him not too long ago.. and I couldn't help but ask how he was. My friend said he was good, quiet but seemed good. I was glad to hear it. Even though I am not happy with the decisions he has made, I will always care for him just like I will always care for Jordan. I don't want to see anything bad happen to either of them. I know the past is past, and eventually Rene will be where Jordan is now. A distant memory. 

So I seriously need to run tomorrow.. I think I am gonna do it outside though. And hit the gym at night and run a little there too. I feel like when I am outside I run longer because I can't just press the magic stop button and I can think a bit more clearly. We will see. Wish me luck!!! 

Friends are amazing. It makes me so thankful that I have them. and some really good ones at that. Alaina touched my heart today. She is such a kind hearted woman and such a blessing. My life wouldn't be the same without her. She doesn't have to do half the things she has done for me these past 13 years but she does. and I appreciate her so very much. Love you Alaina!

Well I am re-reading "Fallen" so I am gonna get started at that so I can start "Torment". Goodnight! 

Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

I don't know how my friends feel about the public seeing their wonderful faces... but It's my blog, I do what I want.. ha.. I have a few really close friends.. I consider all of them  my best friends.

Seahorse- My best friend. She is a beautiful woman and mother and friend. I love her to pieces. We have had soooo much in common it has been crazy. It seems like we even go through rough times together that neither one of us would wish on the other. We have laughed and laughed together, and even cried together. I miss her:( She moved to DC in the summer, but thankfully I get to see her through Skype. Love you fish!

 Thirsty Kirsty... She is a fireball... And a great girl.. I love her. She will tell you the blunt truth and she isn't afraid to be who she is. She has grown up a lot these past 2 years that I have known her. and I am so proud and so happy for her. Sorry guys.. She is off of the market. My gorgeous friend will be married this upcoming summer. and I hear the maid of honor is one hot lady! (me!)

 Alaina.. Alaina.. Alaina! I have known this beauty for about 13 years now.. I met her when I was in the 7th grade at a new school and she touched my heart. She was the girl who brought her make-up caboodle to school with her, so she could do makeovers at school. She is beautiful woman of God, and such a positive light in my life. She knows me better than anyone I know. It amazes me sometimes. But she does.. We have been best friends for almost half of our lives. She has given me a beautiful God-daughter, whom I adore. I love you lei!

And then there was Ran. This guy is a mean little devil. But I love him like a brother. We fight like cats and dogs but he is there for me. He even let me ruin a shirt with my mascara as I cried on his shoulder for almost an hour. This guy is a true guy! And I am happy to say he is marrying Kirst in the summer! Congrats guys! FAMER!

Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.

My idea of a perfect date.. Actually getting invited for one would be the most perfect date ever. Just the invite. Life complete. haha.. No... lets see..

1. Pick me up.. I am a lady. I live a little further than the rest of civilization, but still.. I mean if you wanna date me then you should make the trek.. 

2. It doesn't matter what we do as long as I am smiling and laughing. I will try anything once. 

3. Treat me as your friend, so the comfort level rises. 

4. Do NOT try to get in my pants... or Kiss me on the first date..

5. If you take me out to eat, please do not try to feed me. you will ruin yourself with me. (unless we have been friends for a while, my guy friends feed me and its not weird... but first timers... get out of here)

6. Hold the door open for me.. and if we are meeting your friends, introduce me. 

7. Please don't get wasted. It doesn't leave a good impression. 

8. Oh and the most important, Don't pretend to be interested in me and then turn around and get with a "friend" haha

So really my perfect date will be one that leaves me smiling and wanting more. Wanting to know more about you. A date that has me calling all my girlfriends to tell them how it went.  

This list was mainly a list of DO NOTs.. haha. 

** Possible Suitors... this blog was made just for you... Follow the above, and my heart is your.. and I am a bomb girlfriend, watch out now. **

My day was pretty good. Got to spend time with Seahorse.. Yayyyyy!!!! It was so nice. I am very happy for this new chapter she is opening in her life. I love that she is happy and I can see it. I dont think she knows that I noticed.. But when we used to hang out this time last year, she wasn't as happy, there is something in her eyes that is brighter. I know she is happier because her surroundings are better now, but inside. She is healthier. and I am so glad. I love that girl. and I love this new/old man in her life. He treats her so good and it makes me happy. And he likes me. so what more could she want right? exactly! 

I also went to a cookout with my familia... It was nice. It was fun, I didnt drink but I got a hold of some coffee and became a chatty cathy. I talked to this guy that works with my dad. He is my age. we played horseshoes together and chatted about the gym and life.. and it was nice. He isn't my type. But he is nice. and I smiled a lot. But maybe my type is what got me in trouble all these years. My friend Ran was like.. "ew amanda your disgusting.. he is nice but not your type at all" They know each other from the gym. but I am not saying I wanna be with him or anything I just enjoyed the talking. 

But through this day.. I think I am ready to date again. And it makes me excited. I definitely think I am gonna have to date outside my group. A new guy. That doesn't know everyone. Someone that isn't in the Navy or Military would be nice. but in this town... I am not holding my breath. 

I need to go to the gym tomorrow. I havent been in two days. I just remembered I have to work tomorrow.. So i need to get some rest. I love this blog thing.. makes me feel nice. Its very "therapudic" haha as Fish would say.. or therapeutic.. lol tit tat.. all the same right? hasta manana. 

Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.

Chicken Parmesan! So yummy.... But I have to admit... I just googled a picture because I forgot to take a picture of my actual meal.. which I consumed in .5 seconds... but this seriously looks identical.

You know what show I thoroughly enjoy? Happy Endings. I have been watching a marathon on ABC Family for the past few hours (yes hours.. don't judge me) It makes me laugh so hard.. Then after I am done chuckling I say to myself.. You have no life.. haha.. 

I applied today for USPS.. and I am really hoping I get the job, I go on monday to take the proctored exam. I printed out the assessment guide so I could study for it. I am believing that I will get it. I am staying positive. Idk.. everyday this past week on my way home from the gym, I pass the post office and I felt like it was shouting out to me.. "Work here Amanda... work hereeeeee" so finally I remembered to look online and there is an opening in Newport News, which is further away, BUT.... just so happens that my friend Jess(the one who said the encouraging phrase yesterday) lives on that side of the water and keeps asking me to move over there, so she will get a 3 bedroom and I can live with her and her roommate.. Which would be pretty amazing. So if it is meant to be it will be... I am praying about it. Its hard to stay positive but I know things will work out. God has it under control.


I ate too many cookies tonight. I get such a sugar craving at night. This will be the death of me. 


I am still on my happy time. but, I am a little lonely. Like I miss having a man in my life. I am in no rush because I know I need time to myself to figure me out and get my priorities straight. But I have to admit, I miss it. The comfort. The companionship. The feeling of being in the arms of someone you love. It makes me get in the "I miss him" mode.. but I have to quickly snap out of it. Because I know that the man I loved is long gone. And he didn't feel the same. If he did he wouldn't have done what he did. I have amazing friends and family. When the time comes God will place a good man in my life. 


Speaking of great friends... Because I am spending my friday night here.. at home.. in bed., I felt it was necessary to text Seahorse(my bestie) and bug her while she is with her boo, to tell her about my maybe job. And when she didnt answer back... right away. hahaha... I skyped... her man. hahahaha.... and I laughed the whole time it rang.. and then we talked for a bit. and thats all about that.


One week down with my bloggy woggy.. what what... 




 
 

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

this is me. no makeup. greasy forehead and all. haha. I took some super pretty serious pictures, but I wanted a picture to somewhat describe how my day was. which was happy.


Yay! for a good day. Went to the gym this morning after making breakfast and then headed to work. Work was good as well, I had a pretty uneventful day. I did find out that though my weight is over for my height for the military, my body fat % is under. yessss.. but I still haven't heard anything new. My best friend is coming tomorrow for one night. I am hoping I get to see her pretty face. But her someone is being stingy with her. selfish! Luckily he is a good guy or I would be mad. I haven't seen her in person in a bit and I miss our good times. But thank God for technology. and skype... 

Its sad that my life is so uneventful that when i get home from work and I realize that it's thursday I get so excited... Why you ask? A little show called... Jersey Shore. "fist pump, pushups, chapstick" thats my motto as well. 

I really hope I find a job here soon, well someone hires me. I have found jobs i want just no call backs yet. I am thankful that I have been working out, So my endorphins are flowing and I am happy. A really close friend of mine said something very encouraging to me today.. 

Damnit. This is just temporary for sure- this uneasiness that you have. You are meant to do good things in the world, therefore everything will pan out.

How awesome is it to have friends like this? To remind you that its just a bump in the road... but the road gets smoothe again. I had to add the "damnit". Makes the whole encouraging statement haha. 

Another day down and I feel happy again. 

what! what!

30 Days of Me

I was rummaging through blogs.. and I found this.... I think this is a great way for me to open up a bit.. and have something to talk about as well. So there ya have it. I start tomorrow:)

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of your favourite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag.
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favorite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

I am healing....

I am listening to Lady Antebellum's new album Own the Night and there is one song in particular that has grabbed my hearts attention.. It is called "Wanted You More". look up the lyrics.. It so perfectly fits me like a glove. and a few months ago, hell even a few weeks ago it would have caused me to cry, but not now. I feel so much better. I am still not over the situation, but I see myself letting go and moving on. I have made a lot of decisions this week. For instance, I am leaving old friends in the past where my ex is as well. I feel like they make it harder for me and I honestly feel so much better after making that decision.

 I also quit my job. 

But I am feeling confident that I will find a new one very soon. I hope so because I have a loan payment due. Being an adult sucks. But I feel so positive lately. I cant get passed how good I feel emotionally. I bet it had to deal a lot with working out too. I am back running, but treadmill running. boooo... I ran 1.4 miles in 15 mins yesterday, today I didn't run nearly as long. But I assume I will be back at 4 miles here soon.

My life WILL work itself out.

I still haven't had any new news from my recruiter, I hope I hear something soon. This hurry up and wait mess is for the birds.

I am thankful for real friends. One of my best friends is getting married here soon and I am the Maid of Honor, there is a lot of work in being a MOH but i am so excited. And I feel honored. I just hope I land a pretty good job so that way when its time to throw the bachelorette party, I am not throwing it at McDonalds. Ronald McDonald isn't the type of male entertainment I had in mind. haha.

Hitting the gym in the morning... til next time...

Babysitting, sobreity and DD

<p>It's Saturday, I have had a great day thus far. I ate a healthy breakfast, hit the gym and now about to go out. I have my step sister of sorts with me too. She just turned 21 and for some reason has no friends. She is a pretty girl. Idk. We we are waiting for one of my best guy friends to finish getting dressed and its just weird. Mainly cuz she looks miserable. Your hanging out with me and my friends don't look like that its rude. I'm hungry so it could be why I'm irritable. But I'm excited to get out and have a good time with my friends. I feel bad because my ex wanted to hang out with them and I am going to hang out too. Idk if he will be there or not, most likely not. He wont come around when I am around. It's dumb. But its like we share custody of our friends. Haha. Well I am gonna go raid my friends fridge for something healthy. I have 15 pounds to lose to get in the military. Ahhhh. Have a great Saturday!

My first "blog"

I guess I should give some sort of intro... Well, I am in my mid-20's, still in college. I am an emotional person... with so many different things happening in my life right now. I am newly single and partially unemployed. where to begin... where to begin? Well,  I was dating this really great guy(so it seemed), for nearly 2 years he was in the service and went on deployment, broke my heart halfway through and returned with a girlfriend(who WAS a friend) and I haven't spoken to him since I got the break up email that consisted of : We are done, Don't ask why. - Anyways. It is September and we broke up in April. I have no closure and everyday blows. You will hear me complain a lot about that. I am hoping this will help me work through my issues. I just started working part time and I am trying to find another part time job to make up for the smaller pay. AND! I am waiting to hear back from my recruiter to see if I can join the military. I need to lose about 20 pounds first. The 20 I put on after getting my heart stomped on. ha. I was running a lot a few months back, worked up to 4 miles. then I let myself go. I went running for the first time in a while today, ya. that was awful. I made it to .64 miles and had to start "power" walking. But I did go to the gym after dinner, which I followed up by eating ice cream and cake.. haha. I am a mess. But its a process. My life is a process. I am trying to get it all together without losing who i am. I am trying to find who i am all over again. It is definitely not easy.But I know I can do it. Well... It is getting late and I am rambling. This is an exciting end to my friday, and oddly.... I like this end for my friday, at least I can remember it. Goodnight..